Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Mid Life Dilemma

It has been sometime since I last wrote anything about my thoughts. Although I am known to my friends that I am a very private person, sometimes I do long to scream out to the world on what is in my mind and to get all the steam off my chest!

The whole month of October was a lazy and kind of lost month for me. Once in a while the blues of a stay home mom gets to me and this month, the effect has been a bit overwhelming. The thoughts of my kids growing up too fast before my eyes and that I will be left with nothing much to fuss about them in 2 or 3 years time gives me the alarming nerves of what I am going to do with my life then! I seriously think a woman's life is made harder than a man. From the tender young age to the teenage stage, all we ever worry about are weight issues, monthly side track stomach upsets and leaks that is rightfully called "our part of growing up", excessive protection and sometimes over worried parents of our flourishing bosoms and sexuality curiosities and not forgetting the need to belong to a sisterhood group which sometimes really brings more harm than good! Come to the twenties, we are expected to throw ourselves into the mad world of careers chasing and outperforming the men in whatever field we choose to immerse ourselves in. Fast reaching the 30s, our own parents starts to worry if we are still not dating nor flinging ourselves out for the taking! And once married, the need to procreate and produce! Sigh..... and so on!
And now, I am at that stage of the dwindling need to stay with the offsprings for hours and days, and it seems that all I can feel is that they are getting more independent while I feel myself depending on them for support and purpose in life. It is like I am suddenly thrown into a dilemma ball again, and have to decide whether to roll into the ditch or aim at a new target of which I have not a single idea on what to aim! I love to be optimistic about everything but being a human and moreover a woman, negative thoughts flow and agitate my thinking at times. I don't see myself going back to a career lifestyle like the one I had before my marriage but I do feel that I don't have a lot of options open to me! Perhaps what I really need now is a career counselor and a light in the tunnel that will suddenly shine at me and show me the path. Moreover, I really need an opportunity that is out there that really suits my interests and skills and which I would like to believe is waiting for me to grab hold to and lead me to my future. Wishful thinking doesn't hurt, although not practical, it gives me some hope :) .


Ling said...

Winter is approaching soon - maybe the weather is affecting your mood. Cheer up! When I get depressed (once a month when it's near you-know-what), I'll try to count my blessings. You have a wonderful family and terrific kids. Plus you make the best bento boxes!

Agnes said...

I can't wait for you to come back KK!! Love ya!

terri@adailyobsession said...

yes, if you want to hav a career again, you shd do smthing with your talents n skills, smthing you enjoy doing. don't waste your time, it passes so quickly!